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Friday, November 07, 2003
To the man driving the silver concorde LXi

Dear Sir (or should I call you by your obvious name of asshole?),

If you can't lip-read...those words that I was enunciating ever-so carefully in the rearview mirror at you after you honked at me for not going quick enough for you were "FUCK YOU!" In case you have been living in a rock somewhere in the Post Office parking lot I thought I would inform you that it is raining and has been raining since last night. Since this is the first real rain of the season, roads tend to be even more slippery than normal.

Maybe you didn't notice but I couldn't pull out of the driveway because there was a car parked in the lane to my immediate right with it's hazard lights on. I couldn't pull out into the next lane because of the huge truck barreling down the street towards the light.

I am here to apologize for making you 30 seconds late for whatever you were in an all-fire hurry to get to. I am sorry- but I didn't feel like hitting someone's already problematic car- or risking my life and that of my vehicle to pull in front of a large truck on a very rainy day.

In other words....stick your horn up your ass buddy.




posted by Amy on 11/07/2003 04:04:00 PM | link

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Nachos from her Flaming Eyes

The fourth of at least three tidbits from my recent trip.

This trip contained several firsts for me...including seeing my first glimpse at a love for music in a 10 year old boy.

It is the day I am leaving. It is our new tradition that on the morning that one is leaving a breakfast out is had...as a going away.

BFM's younger brother (10) begs the night before to be able to go...feeling much neglected as he has not had as much access to his big sister because I have kept her away. He begs and begs and BFM finally relents and agrees that he can join in the breakfast tradition.

The next morning we load up in my car...because it is handy and we end up at a Coco's for breakfast. We sit and eat our breakfast and start back to her house...so that I can drop them off, get the last of my belongings and head out.

We are listening to Slaughter's first album STICK IT TO YA. Her brother...most likely from exposure has become quite the little rock music fan (Slaughter, AC/DC and Bon Jovi are favorites). He tells us "None of the kids in my school are into this music." BFM tells him that it is alright to listen to whatever kind of music he likes. He starts singing along...full on. It is cute. I want to laugh and hug him...but I can't because I am driving. He sings along to Slaughter and sings with all his little heart and this is what we hear "She's got nachos coming from her flamin' eyes". I bite my lip and nearly pee my pants trying to keep from busting out laughing. The actual lyric? "She's got notches in her belt from the other guys". But I suppose when you are 10 it makes the same amount of sense as "she's got nachos coming from her flamin' eyes."

Misheard lyrics...you gotta love them.

posted by Amy on 11/07/2003 10:10:00 AM | link

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How I caused a near riot or My run-in with a Las Vegas HOA

This is the third of at least three "stories" I wanted to tell about my trip to St. George/Zion National Park/Las Vegas that I just returned from. I decided to do this instead of a blow-by-blow-of-what-I-did-on-my-vacation sorta thing.

Since BFM moved to Las Vegas...I have visited here nearly once a month (not quite but nearly). She happens to live in the Russell Ranch gated community. I have driven there several times...this one being no exception. Since moving to Las Vegas, BFM has been explaining to me the monster that is the Home Owner's Association (HOA). All the gated communities have them...even some of the non gated communities. To us here...the HOA is a novelty- most communities in our area do not have them. To Las Vegans it is a monstrosity that needs to be stopped. They have become notorious for making rules and restrictions about anything and everything...often times without proper notification. Case in point: BFM was fined $50.00 for not having a properly kept lawn. However- the lawn was just professionally re-seeded AND they are currently under strict watering restrictions. So their lawn wasn't perfect and because of that they got a fine. Then they got fined for having a non-operational vehicle in their drive way. Thing is...all three of their vehicles are operational...the President of their HOA doesn't like the looks of the truck because it is older (1971). They caught a lot of slack from the HOA about their pool.

While I was there...I had a run-in with the HOA that governs Russell Ranch....that caused a near riot on the street. Seriously.

Picture if you will. It is BFM's dad's birthday. We are all preparing to go out to dinner to celebrate. BFM tells me to put my shoes on and prepare to go. She goes to wake her napping mother, then moves on to tell her little brother to put a clean shirt on. I am putting on my shoes and watching Oprah. Her little brother comes rushing into BFM's room where I am putting on my tennis shoes. "YOUR CAR IS BEING TOWED!" he tells me. "What?" I screech. "Your car is on the tow truck right now!!! It is being towed. You better come quick. " My shoes never made it on. I ran outside to see my car loaded up on the back of a flatbed tow truck. I see BFM's father yelling at the tow truck driver...BFM is on the phone yelling to someone on the phone and saying to me at the same time "Don't worry I will take care of this!" and BFM's mom is knocking on the neighbor's door asking them if they have a copy of the CC&R's (I don't know what it stands for but it is the code of conduct and rules governing the homeowners in the association) from the HOA.

Now I am parked (or I was parked) on the street right in front of their house. I was parked facing the right direction on the street and I was right up against the curb. There was a sign that said "NO PARKING BEYOND THIS POINT" which I was not beyond. I was parked right in front of it...but not beyond it in the least. Not even an inch of me was beyond it- I made darn sure of that. Yet the tow truck driver has loaded me up. When we asked why...his response is "The Homeowner's association said that there is NO on-street parking at all". There are no signs stating this anywhere. It is not in the cc&r...although the cc&r does state that parking can be limited by the homeowners association...and the HOA claimed to have decided it the previous week. Meanwhile...while her dad is screaming at the truck driver and BFM is screaming at the HOA...I am standing in the street directly in front of the tow truck...who claimed that he indeed could take my car of the truck...for $166.00. HA! He could run me over first. Neighbors on their cul-de-sac started to assemble and discuss the goings on. Not one of them had been notified either. However one of them had been warned by the tow truck driver and he subsequently moved his car...why hadn't we been warned? What happened?

The HOA representative had no record of the tow truck being called. Nor did the tow truck or his dispatch have a name. Because of this- the HOA demanded that he drop my car- no charge. One of the neighbors called someone in the HOA that they knew and was told that the president of their local association was responsible but he had not notified anyone. The neighbors are pissed and are threatening to recall him! Many want to go talk to him right then. However, conveniently, he was not home. It is also convenient that the tow truck came so late in the day. If BFM hadn't gone to wake up her mom- who then noticed my truck on the tow truck...I would have probably gone out and called he police reporting my car stolen. Not only that- but I would have had to pay storage fees to get it out.

I said a few choice words to the tow truck driver too...but I also know that he was just doing what he was told. I say that the sign that says no parking beyond this point implies that there is street parking in front of that point. It is also a wonder why no one else was towed...or has been towed.

Instead we spent BFM's Dad's birthday cleaning out a space in the garage for a car so that all cars (including mine) were in the driveway or garage. The neighbor kindly told me I could park at the edge of his driveway as well, which was very kind of him.

What have I learned? HOA in Las Vegas are evil. Later that week- after returning from UTAH, BFM and I were driving to costco and listening to KOMP (the local rock station) and they were playing a prank on a listener...they called up and pretended to be the lady's HOA and told her that she could only give out certain kinds of candy. She fell for it hook line and sinker and ended up yelling at the DJ that she just wouldn't give any candy out this year! Does that tell you something about HOAS in LAS VEGAS?

posted by Amy on 11/07/2003 10:09:00 AM | link

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Thursday, November 06, 2003
My sad day

Recently BFM's 10-year old brother (yes...there is 19 years difference there...and yes they have the same parents) has a new saying...sad. His favorite context in using it:

Bro of BFM: Oh Amy...that's just sad. I am sorry but you are sad. I mean really.

He is not extolling about me being so upset I could cry...no instead...he is using it in the sense of pathetic.

Sometimes I wonder if he isn't right...in his 10-year old worldly knowledge.

posted by Amy on 11/06/2003 05:44:00 PM | link

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Utah

The second of at least three tidbits from my recent trip.

This trip contained several firsts for me...including my first trip to Utah.

All I can say is that I never expected Utah to be as breath-taking as it was.

I can't explain it but southern Utah is absolutely gorgeous. I spent most of my time in southern Utah in St. George and Zion National Park. I was completely struck by Zion. It is gorgeous. Pictures and descriptions can not fully encompass the gorgeousness that is that area.

Driving into Utah from Arizona, you are confronted my dramatic stone cliffs all around you. Then when you hit Utah, you suddenly see bright red stone mountains...many with flat tops- not unlike those of a military haircut. They are dramatic and gorgeous and colors I have never seen in nature before. There are rocky huge mountains, and gorgeous trees- just starting to turn colors.

It was an incredible breath-taking experience. I know that I keep using the word breath-taking but I can't for the life of me sum it up in any other words. If you are ever in the area of southern utah...I highly suggest a stop at St. George...or at the very least Zion National Park. If you are in the area stop by the IMAX theater at the gates of the park and try to take in "Treasure of the Gods" a movie about the area. And stop by the little restaurant there...they make excellent hotdogs :)


Stay tuned for:How I caused a Near Riot

posted by Amy on 11/06/2003 05:41:00 PM | link

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About Last Night

Last night was a disaster. It was Angel night...and because we have directTV we don't get the wb- so I go over to Brother's house for Angel Night. We alternate nights as to who has to take care of dinner...we decided we wanted Carl's JR. So I get 1/2 there and realize that I left my wallet...at work....and I have absolute no money- except for the $5.00 of ER Cash in my ashtray...not enough to feed two of us (and it is my night for vittles)...so I call my mom who has no cash...but my dad offers up $10...so I drive all the way back home...grab the cash get up to CJ and am sitting in the drive through line when I realize that I forgot his shot glass from Utah (he collects them). So I had to stop back by my house to pick that on the way to his with the food. Then on my way home I realize that somewhere in my travels I have misplaced both my cell phone and my gas card (chevron). I know that the card has to be somewhere in my car and the cell phone is either in my car or at Willie's apartment. I call the cell phone and don't here it so I assume that it is at his house. I figure I would worry about it today.

Turns out the cell phone was in my purse the whole time. No wonder I stopped using this purse...it is a black hole. Still can't find the gas card....but it has to be in the cesspool of a car...which will be cleaned this weekend...I promise that even if it is raining (which it is suppose to be) I will at least clean the inside of the buggar.

posted by Amy on 11/06/2003 11:16:00 AM | link

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Wednesday, November 05, 2003
A Trip of Firsts

The first of at least three tidbits from my recent trip.

This trip contained several firsts for me...including my first trip to Utah.

However two of the most interesting firsts...were attending my first Kiss concert and attending my first Vegas wedding. Both in the same night. Both at the MGM Grand Arena.

I left for Vegas on Friday morning...mostly because I knew that on Saturday evening I would be attending my first Kiss concert. BFM had so kindly purchased us up "cheap" seats for the Kiss/Aerosmith concert at the MGM Grand. I was excited because I had always wanted to see Kiss and this was my chance. And since I already had seen Aerosmith and knew that they gave a good show I was excited. A couple days before, BFM called me and told me Saliva would be opening up.

I arrive safely in Vegas and catch up with BFM. The next day we prepare and leave early for the show. As we are walking through the illustrious MGM Grand (one of our favorite casino's by the way) we take our newly found short cut to the studio walk (if you take it you don't walk the entire way through the casino). Anyway, at the end of the shortcut there is a sundry shop that hawks your basic sundry shop goods. Misty says to me "AMY!" and it is in an interesting tone- so I look over at her and notice that she is staring heartily into the Sundry shop. So I nonchalantly look into the sundry shop and who is there buying sundries??? Paul Stanley from KISS (sans makeup). It was an exciting time there.

We get to the Arena, we buy our t-shirts (actually I bought Misty a t-shirt as a thank you for buying the tickets). Then we go through the metal detectors- and into our seats. They are sixth row from the last row of the upper deck...but we were actually close...I know it doesn't sound like it but we were.

The opening act ended up being The Porch Ghouls. They are on Joe Perry's record label. They were repetitive and boring and I didn't like them so much...however I didn't feel the need to boo them like did most of my section. I actually felt bad for them...the looked pretty young. Of course...that could just because they looked like ants from our seats :).

The next band up was Kiss. And let me tell you KISS was definitely how I expected them to be...loud with lots of pyrotechnics. Probably not the best show for someone as jumpy as myself...but it was KISS. At one point, Gene began his solo...and BFM looked concerned because he has a fairly scary stage persona...so I leaned into her and yelled "You do realize that any minute now he will be spitting up blood." And she nodded. And then Gene not only did his trademark blood-spitting but then he took off and flew up into the lighting rafters and sang from way up there.

I was disappointed by the sound quality of the arena...as well as by the fact that Kiss didn't play my favorite song "strutter." Oh well...at least they played Rock N Roll All Nite for Misty :).

Then there was the typical band switcharoo where we saw Aerosmith's road crew lay out a TON of rope lights. I wonder what they did before the advent of rope-lights??? Anyway...Aerosmith took the stage in true Aero fashion and played a terrific set that left me wanting to hear more of them. They played all the standards...and I enjoyed the energy. The sound still sucked though.

About halfway through the show though, Steven Tyler said "Las Vegas, my daughter Mia wants to get married...do I have a witness?"

Then out comes Mia and her beau (I missed his name but I think he is the drummer for Papa Roach)...and the justice of the peace and there we were in the middle of a wedding. Only in Las Vegas- I tell you. You could tell that Steven was very proud of what was going on. Hee.

All in all it was a very interesting night.

Stay tuned for:How I caused a Near Riot and UTAH

posted by Amy on 11/05/2003 07:03:00 PM | link

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Monday, November 03, 2003
An actual phone call I just had at work

Student: yes my internet and phone are not working in my dorm room.

ME: Ok...I take his information as to location...etc. I need a contact number for you...a cell number, or a friend's number (a roommate or an RA or something).

Student: Ummmm I my cell doesn't work on campus and my phone is broken that is why I am calling.

ME: We need someway to get in contact with you. Can I use your email address?

Student: My internet isn't working either.

ME: Can you use a lab computer or a friend's computer or phone...we need a way to contact you.

Student: I guess you can use my email...I can check it on someone else's computer.

ME: Ok I need your jack number.

Student: Uh...13.

ME: Is it 313 or just 13 because jacks usually have three digit numbers.

Student: Uh...I dunno.

ME: Can you please check? This is important information.

STUDENT: Ummm I am not in my room right now. I don't think I should be expected to know all this.

ME: Ok...can I have the phone number that was assigned to your phone line?

STUDENT: Ummm....I don't know that. It doesn't work anyway.

ME: The phone technician will need your jack number and your telephone number to be able to look into the problem.

STUDENT: Um...ok....but what about my internet.

ME: Well- I placed the request and asked them to email you ...but with out your jack information they might not be able to help you...you may need to call back with the jack information.

STUDENT: Um my phone isn't working.

ME: I know...I placed a phone request too...but they need the jack number to be able to look at the phone jack.

STUDENT: OK...I am not in my room though I am sure it is 13. (even though I explained that they are three digit numbers). But what about my internet.

ME: ***Beating my head against my desk****

posted by Amy on 11/03/2003 06:27:00 PM | link

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Guess who is back?

That is right....ME :)

I am back. Where did I go? I went to Utah (to visit family) via Vegas (to visit friends). I had a blast and I have some stories to share with you all about it. But be patient with me. My car isn't even completely unpacked yet. I have a virtual mountain of laundry, ton of catch up correspondence and work and my usual procrastinating nature to contend with.

But I am here. If I don't post relatively soon please email me to find out if I have become a humancicle....it is freakin' cold here. I am wearing jeans (not shorts....but ones with legs...I hate them but I wear them when I am cold) and a sweatshirt and I am freezing my buns off here at work.




posted by Amy on 11/03/2003 04:36:00 PM | link

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JANUARY:
Stubborn and hard-hearted. Ambitious and serious. Loves to teach and be taught. Always looking at people's flaws and weaknesses. Likes to criticize. Hardworking and productive. Smart, neat and organized. Sensitive and has deep thoughts. Knows how to make others happy. Quiet unless excited or tensed. Rather reserved. Highly attentive. Resistant to illnesses but prone to colds. Romantic but has difficulties expressing love. Loves children. Loyal. Has great social abilities yet easily jealous. Very Stubborn and money cautious.
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